Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


Trapped in the Basement Reading Obituaries

This is my universal, post-commencement address column; universal in its applicability to both high school and college graduates. College grads out shine their high school counterparts in terms of indoctrination, but differ tremendously in terms of debt, dependency and desperation. College grads are broke, mired in debt, unemployed, and hopelessly living in their parent’s basements. High school graduates are cash neutral, debt-free, and also live in their parent’s basement, but they have hope because their commencement speaker recently said they were America’s future and they believed it. Investing eight years at college earning a four-year degree will change that.

A recent CNN poll reveals 63 percent of 18 to 34 year olds think the American dream is unattainable. Interestingly, at age 35 the no-hope marker drops to 59 percent, an astonishing improvement of four percentage points. This is the age one recognizes their days of athletic superiority in basketball, golf, team-roping, bar-hopping, or fishing has passed and imperceptible changes begin creeping into their lives. Time previously spent studying the sports pages is replaced reading the box scores of the obituary column. “Why did that 42-year-old guy die?” becomes the dilemma of middle age minds. When basement dwellers suddenly discover they might only have seven years left, they crawl out into the sunlight determined to make something of their life. The “Stop Climate Change” and “Che Guevara” posters formerly stuck to the walls with biodegradable clay are tossed in the trash. It is time to grow up. The right was right all along and it is time to find a job; a real job. Winston Churchill is attributed to have said, ““If you're not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you're not a conservative at forty you have no brain.” He was so right.

The American dream is entirely attainable but not using the same logic which put you in the basement in the first place. Once you realize the purpose of higher education is to advance collectivism, you can toss your master’s degree in ethnic women’s studies aside and get on with life. Play your cards right and you just might land a job with a company owned by a fellow with a GED. Good luck because you voted yourself into quite a hole as indicated by the plummeting labor force participation rate. Over one-third of Americans are no longer in the workforce.

President Obama’s recent Climate Change Decree, in addition to being illegal, will devastate our economy. In his own words he said energy costs “would necessarily skyrocket.” On the job production side of the economic equation, Montana’s massive coal, oil, and natural gas reserves will sit as idle as the unemployed 18 to 34 year olds living in their parent’s basement. The scientific community now admits global warming is an elaborate con, yet college conditioned you to blindly vote for it, so you did and this gets me closer to my point.

President Obama is about to drop the other shoe. There is talk his next executive order will restrict student loan repayments to no more than 10 percent of one’s monthly salary. College attendees will herald this as a good thing without stepping back and critically examining their plight and this does bring me to my point.

The federal government has nationalized the student loan program; they own your debt and never forget the borrower is always slave to the lender. Everyone is encouraged to get a college degree regardless the time or cost, so the government owns your mind. With a stagnant collectivist economy you will never find a job, so upon graduation the government also owns your wallet. The best you can do is beg for government sponsored universal health care while feeding yourself on EBT cards. Only then will you discover dependency on government is as humiliating as dependency on parents. It is liberty and free-market capitalism which made America great and the sooner we abandon collectivism the better off we will be.

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