Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


Tolerance: The Myth

The trophy wife jerked up lame while running Wednesday morning. She would be considered three-legged lame were she a brood mare, but she isn’t, so the human term must be one-legged lame. She was too injured to make it the three miles home, so our friend, Lisa, ran for her car. Fifteen minutes later, the trophy wife was flat on the sofa, drugged up on ibuprofen, with her foot wrapped in a bag of frozen green beans. I fixed breakfast, placed her I-Pad, cell phone, and a thermos of hot coffee all within reach, covered her in warm blankets and left for work.

I returned around lunch to see the trophy wife low on coffee and mostly in the same position where I had left her. While switching vegetables to frozen corn, I examined her injury. The outside of her foot was markedly swollen and turning black and blue, so I figured x-rays were in order. After lunch, she hobbled to the pickup, I hauled her to my clinic and we snapped a couple x-rays showing she wasn’t faking it. She had ripped the head off the outermost bone on the bridge of her foot; an avulsion of the fifth metatarsal bone. A tendon from the calf muscle inserts here, so once it fractures the contraction of the calf muscle becomes useless and the heel collapses to the ground, just as she described in the pre-dawn darkness.

I hauled her home, changed her frozen vegetables and put her back on the sofa. A quick search of her pedigree showed no family history of osteoporosis, so barring other complications this fracture should heal with conservative therapy; measures useful in both medicine and politics. I went to the closet and dug out the walking boot I used after fracturing my fibula two years earlier. After tweaking it we discovered the boot was too large to allow her to work freely in front of the stove. This was serious; who will cook dinner? A quick check revealed similar access issues at both the sink and dishwasher—this complication was now epic. A quick trip to the Laurel Medical Center produced a walking boot of appropriate size so thankfully, the trophy wife was able to resume her proper place directly in front of the kitchen appliances. Wait for it…

Most left-wingers stroked-out after reading the previous paragraph. Those still conscious are sprinting to their lap tops to compose nasty-grams. I doubt I pushed the envelope far enough to receive death threats; a response historically reserved for my columns on Christ, contraception, gay marriage, or free-roaming bison. Because none of these self-proclaimed, tolerant leftists will read the remainder of my column, the rest of us can have a semi-private conversation which was the purpose of my story. Now to my point.

Under the guise of political correctness, leftists aggressively attack anyone possessing an opinion different than their own; a technique promoted by Saul Alinsky. At the first sign of weakness, these attacks intensify and continue until opponents are rendered meaningless, sniveling wimps. Only politicians who know the Truth and bear the full armor of God stand a chance against the onslaught, so my advice to all newly elected public servants is this:

We are a Christian nation with a Divinely inspired Constitution and in your oath of office you will pledge your allegiance to this sacred, eternal document. American liberty and its resultant bounty is the tool God uses to relieve suffering and spread goodness across the globe. However, because collectivism and liberty are mutually exclusive conditions, if you hold true to your oath and advance freedom you will alienate the political party endorsing the wealth redistribution principles of Marx and half of the other which embraces compromise. You will be attacked for this, so are you up for the abuse or will you surrender and keep feeding the alligator hoping he eats you last?

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