Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


Lying 101

Politicians are masters of lying and have spent decades trapping gullible victims in webs of deceit so complex the truth is completely obscured to all but those who expend great effort to learn it.  In the name of public service, today’s column reveals a trade secret to guide you through the smoke and mirrors of political manipulations.  (It is a secret, so keep it between us.)


Whenever a politician offers a statement as fact, ask yourself, “How will he/she benefit if I believe them?”  Many times the answer to this one question clarifies everything.  We will apply the “who benefits” trick to two stories I found in the November 21st Drudge Report.  The first story is a simple one, just for practice.  The second story is convoluted and some people will disagree with the truth even after it is revealed.  Here we go.     


Story #1:  Today, trendy women follow the teaching of Hollywood prophets and feel it is attractive to have a larger than normal backside. They will invest large sums of money building one.  Apparently, if your bottom is so large it obscures an 18 inch saddle plus most of the horse it’s cinched to, you have reached the level of a modern day goddess.  To enhance her self-esteem and obtain a job in a night club, a young Florida woman met with a cheap plastic surgeon in a darkened Miami motel room.  She forked over $700 cash to a man, dressed as a woman, impersonating a doctor, and he/she injected the girl’s backside with a secret concoction of cement, mineral oil, and flat-tire sealant. Post-operatively, the injection holes were sealed with Super-Glue and the patient waddled out the door.  Twenty-four hours after treatment the young lady visited an emergency room in excruciating pain.  (Please insert the expression “No Excrement” here.)


If we apply the “who benefits” question to the story, the fake doctor stuffed his wallet, or her purse with $700, so he must be lying.  Upon release of this story numerous other victims have bravely waddled forward, so expect to see some Florida politician add Fix-A-Flat to the list of dangerous items requiring a prescription.      


The second story is full of lies and half truths. You might want to diagram this lie on paper because it is more convoluted than giving $700 to a transgender, fake doctor to inject your backside with concrete…although the effects of both lies are ironically similar.   


Story #2:  Politicians spend money to feel good—they just love giving away your stuff.  Collecting other people’s money is easy because a cold government bureaucracy, the Internal Revenue Service, does the dirty work.  With the simple push of a button, ruling-class politicians decree the percent of their subject’s personal income they wish to be charitable with and the wheels of big government begin turning. 


Politicians have generously given away 15 trillion dollars more in freebies and programs than the IRS has collected in the treasury.  (This is problematic to those of us paying the bills.)  President Obama’s 2012 budget is a record $3.73 trillion and marks the first time Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and interest on the debt will consume all tax revenues.  Twelve of the politicians who created the very problem offered to get us out of the debt hole by adopting the name “Super Committee” and without actually stopping digging they are formulating a plan to slow the rate at which they are digging.  The November 21st deadline passed and the Super Committee astonishingly announced, “We have no plan and the hole is getting deeper.”  (Please insert the expression “No Excrement” here.)


Politicians on the Super Committee are advancing the lie our debt problem is caused by the rich not paying their fair share.  In reality, the ruling class could confiscate all income above $100,000 and garner only $3.4 trillion—an amount insufficient to fund federal freebies.  Who benefits if you believe them?  They do.  Increasing anyone’s taxes shrinks the economy and grows government, so in the end, the ruling-class Super Committee strengthens their grip over your life.  It is called death through dependency.  Because it is a mathematical impossibility to balance the federal budget by increasing revenues—the problem is on the spending side.  They are lying.           

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