Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


Go Fetch

Flint has few redeeming qualities other than loyalty, which is good or bad depending on your desire for another dose of his obnoxious company. Flint was the tragic byproduct of a one-night stand between Suzy and a neighboring ranch hand, appropriately nicknamed Maverick. He was adopted into a single-parent household deep in the urban jungle, but because he is from country stock the confinement of the big city had a deleterious effect on his maturing psyche. Flint is an obnoxious stick fetcher—an obsessive-compulsive disorder common in unemployed Border Collies.

You can be standing around the campfire discussing the day’s plans over your morning cup of coffee and he will be slobbering, panting, snatching, dropping, re-snatching and re-dropping a stick on your boots. Exasperated by his persistence, you heave the stick as far into the timber as possible and within seconds he is back at your feet dropping the same darn stick over and over again. Fetching sticks is Flint’s life; it is all he knows so he is worthless at everything else. This same obsessive-compulsive behavior also infects politicians which brings me to my point.

Within the previous month, politicians from across our nation have fetched a slobbery stick from the treasury and are begging voters to pat them on the head, say “good dog”. Obsessive-compulsive disorders are impossible to break, so it would be best to retire these politicians. The cost of paying them their full pensions, plus medical care, to sit in their easy chairs all day watching Oprah, will be far cheaper in the long run. Unfortunately, since most voters do not understand the seriousness of fetch, the game continues. Look at it this way:

America is broke, busted, bankrupt, penniless, destitute, indigent, wiped-out, and poverty-stricken, and unfortunately, the ruling elite still have MasterCard. We have borrowed nearly $16 trillion for free stuff we already consumed and have set up payment plans in excess of $130 trillion for free stuff yet to come. In spite of this, politicians fetch money home to their districts completely oblivious to this reality.

For example, on June 21st, Montana’s Senator Max Baucus was wagging his tail as he fetched a nearly 500 billion dollar, five year farm bill. On Friday July 6th, California approved a 68 billion dollar high-speed train connecting San Francisco and Los Angeles, while simultaneously President Obama signed the 100 billion dollar transportation bill. All these were spun in the media as jobs bills and there was head patting and “that-a-boys” everywhere. This is insane.

Forty cents of every federal dollar is borrowed, so these programs actually redistribute debt to our grandchildren. (I included California as federal spending because they are so deep in debt they will soon default and roll their red ink into the wallets of all Americans.) Without fundamental change, catastrophic collapse is imminent. Flint will quit fetching sticks when I quit throwing them, and the clowns in Washington will quit spending money when we clowns quit rewarding them for doing so. Do you follow?

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