Weekly Posting of the Conservative Cow Doctor


Early Risers

Because my coffee pot clicks on every morning at 3:45, the dripping awakens me before the trophy wife’s alarm trips at 4:00. On the rare occasion when we stay up to the ungodly hour of 9:00 pm, we turn off the alarm clock and coffee pot so as to sleep as late as our heart desires. Unfortunately, our morning pattern is so ingrained our heart desires 4:15, meaning we have read scripture, exercised and filled our coffee and calorie tanks by 6:30 am. Only dairy farmers and crazy people begin their day that early and since I do not own any black and white cows, it is obvious where I fit. Benjamin Franklin coined the phrase, “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise,” but he left off the qualifier of still having to wait two hours for the not-so-healthy, wealthy and wise. As long as there are snooze buttons, the world will never be open for business before eight o’clock.

My early mornings began in vet school when I joined a group of country kids who studied in the pre-dawn hours. It was a great time to cram, but it takes time to adjust your internal clock and each day I found myself going to bed and getting up a half-hour earlier than the day previous. On the bright side, by the end of two weeks I was a day ahead of everyone else. After continuing this habit for 32 years, my body clock thinks it is October 10th, 2017, thereby explaining my precise political intuition. I can describe America’s future using the past tense because for me it has already happened. (The haters faithfully reading my column out of spite, just stroked out.)

America’s founders wisely established a constitutional republic where every two to four years the governed has the opportunity to change leadership. Obviously, our founders were early risers, but over the years Americans started sleeping later. Sadly today, complacent voters elect politicians with the indifference typically reserved for choosing socks or underwear. White, reasonably white, and no holes are criteria best left for undergarments rather than leaders of the free world. Make 2016 the year you do not hit the snooze button thus letting the misinformed lead the uninformed into the abyss. To help you, here is my election synopsis I wrote way back in November of 2016. For the next ten minutes open your minds and ignore the mantra Democrats are for poor people and Republicans support the rich. The cold hard truth is progressives support the ruling class be they Democrats or establishment Republicans. Here is what triggered America’s final train wreck in November of 2016.

The Republicans offered a smattering of 15 presidential candidates of every sex, size, shape and color during the 2016 primary season. Predictably, the high number in the GOP liberty wing split the primary ticket, thereby awarding a progressive Republican the nomination. Some disappointed conservatives futilely rallied around a third party candidacy, but after the primary, most staggered home and stayed put.

The Democrats saw three candidates flitter through the flames of the primary, but none could steal support from the frontrunner in spite of her quid pro quo scam while Secretary of State. An early June 2015 poll revealed an unwavering 42 percent supporting the Democrat presumptive nominee, so the state run media easily gifted the final 9 percent needed to capture the White House. Only given the choice between a progressive Republican or a progressive Democrat, America plunged off the cliff and that is the way it was, Tuesday, November 8th, 2016.

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