Thanksgiving moved above Christmas as my favorite
holiday during my four years of undergraduate
studies.
My reasons were four.
First, most universities cancel classes from
the day before Thanksgiving through Black Friday, so
if I cut class on Monday and Tuesday I could reward
myself with a nine-day vacation.
Even though my grades were less than stellar,
I felt entitled to this break because nine days away
would be great for my self-esteem.
In 1975, self-esteem was just being
championed as the single most important trait of
one’s psyche.
My dad was old school and questioned doing
things just to make you feel good about yourself.
I cut class anyway.
Reason two:
Thanksgiving break is the perfect holiday for
ranch kids, as the hay is stacked, the calves have
been shipped and the cows are likely still out on
grass.
This puts the family, forced-labor bar so low it is
practically resting on the ground.
Reason three:
It was pheasant season.
Wyoming’s upland bird season runs through
November and the foothills of the Big Horn Mountains
are prime pheasant country.
December
duck hunting would score the 30-day Christmas break
above Thanksgiving for scatter-gun collegians, were
it not for my final reason.
After being at college since August, my
mother was excited to have me home for Thanksgiving.
She fed me
three squares every day, did my laundry, made my bed
and stuffed my hunting bag with cookies when I left
for an outing.
Unfortunately, this Prince of Pass Creek
treatment carried a nine-day expiration and it was
potentially dangerous trying to milk the royal
treatment through the entire Christmas break.
Considering my four reasons, I pondered how
today’s millennials score Thanksgiving?
Self-esteem still pollutes academia, so reason one
stands.
Ranch kids are a dying breed, representing a small
minority of the millennials, so reason two is
insignificant. College
students returning for a fourth year as a freshman
have been heavily indoctrinated to support gun
control.
Most are progressive, non-hunters, so would
protest, rather than eagerly anticipate,
Thanksgiving pheasant hunts.
This retires reason three and brings me to
number four.
A happy holiday homecoming requires millennials to
have previously moved out of their parent’s
basement.
By move out, I mean taking your Antifa face
masks, Che Guevara t-shirts, NORML flag and X-Box
game controllers and living independently in another
city. For
absence to make the heart grow fonder, first you
must be absent. So,
millennials, what scores higher, Thanksgiving or
Christmas? Happy
Thanksgiving.
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