Rules of etiquette allow newlyweds a full year to
send thank-you notes for wedding gifts, but many
celebrity marriages rarely last long enough for this
grace period to be a factor.
Through redneck extrapolation, I suspect
delaying the internment of the remains a loved one
for a year would also be fitting and proper,
especially when the recently departed was a rancher.
Rules such as “no dying during calving
season” would also be beneficial if cowboys
controlled the timeliness of their deaths, but it is
God’s call. In
light of this, my family buried my uncle’s ashes 13
months after his demise; a one month violation of
even redneck etiquette, but it was our first
Here is the story.
As is fitting and proper, this September we held
services for my uncle, in our family barn built by
my great-great-grandfather in 1890.
About 30 family members feasted on grilled
flank steak and afterwards we exchanged memories of
my uncle, Burton Kerns.
Due to the many hours we spent trailing cows
around the Big Horns, other than my father, there
was no man who had a greater influence on my life
than did my uncle.
During one long, grueling mountain session,
Burton shared his wisdom regarding three things he
felt would destroy our country, so I am passing his
prophetic words on to you.
The four wheel drive pickup is devastating
the American landscape.
Burton was born in 1927, so drove a wagon and
team long before the 4x4 Jeep made its appearance
Cheap Willy’s jeeps saturated markets in
rural America and soon the vast open parks of the
Big Horn Mountains were rutted by 4x4s chained up by
baby boomers on a Sunday drive.
Today’s rules regarding off-road travel on
federal lands addressed this very issue.
The birth control pill will lead to societal
The sex drugs and rock ‘n’ roll movement of the
1960s was aided by birth control pills removing the
risk of conception and one mate—one marriage—one
lifetime soon became old school. It wasn’t until the
epidemic of Herpes, AIDS and genital warts in the
1980s, did the minutemen of the sexual revolution
discover keeping up with the Kardashians had
Coincidentally, (actually it is not a
coincidence, I mentioned this on purpose) recent
headlines report Lamar Odom, former NBA star and
estranged husband of Khloe Kardashian, has been
found comatose in a Nevada brothel after a two-day,
$75K binge of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll.
Glitter and tinsel are not attributes of
trophy wives and husbands; a truth single folk might
keep in mind when selecting a life mate.
Saving the best for last, the third thing
which will destroy our free society is…???
Sadly, I cannot remember Burton’s third
I am sure it is just as prophetic, or as
inflammatory as the other two, but it has forever
slipped my mind and this brings me to my point.
The matriarch or patriarch of your family could pass
at any time taking with them decades of life
experiences the likes of which you will never access
Do not lose this wisdom.
For you youngsters living in the electronic
vortex, imagine the blue screen of death striking
your lap top and taking all your life’s data with
Today would be a great day to sit down with a
grandparent, aunt or uncle and figuratively back up
your family hard drive.
It is the fitting and proper thing to do, but
write it down so you do not forget it as I did.